NEW OFFICE REGULATIONS

Due to excessive loss of working hours during the past year, caused by the absence of personnel, it has become necessary to implement the following new rules and regulations:

ILLNESS (NO EXCUSE)
Management will accept no medical certificates in future. We are convinced that, it you are well enough to visit the doctor, you are well enough to come to work.

DEATH (EXCEPT YOUR OWN)
This is no excuse. You can do nothing more for the deceased. No time will be given off for attending funerals.
However, we do suggest that funerals of next-of-kin be arranged after hours  or during your lunch time.

DEATH (YOUR OWN)
Naturally this is a good cause. However, it is expected of all to give two weeks prior notice in order to find a replacement for your post and to train the new person.

ADMISSION TO HOSPITAL FOR OPERATIONS
This is strictly forbidden. Whilst in our service you will need everything you have.
You are not allowed to have anything removed as we appointed you with all your organs and, should you have anything removed, we will have no alternative but to adjust your salary accordingly

VISIT TO THE TOILET
Far too much time is wasted by people spending time in the toilet. In future, visits to the toilet will be co-ordinated by alphabetical order. Surnames starting with "A" will be able to go between 08:30-08:45. Should you miss your turn you will have to wait till the next day

WE APPRECIATE YOUR CO-OPERATION TO MAKE THIS DEPARTMENT A PLEASANT AND PRODUCTIVE ONE

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